Laughing too hard to actually write a review of Texts From Jane Eyre


Hilariously imagined text conversations—the passive aggressive, the clever, and the strange—from classic and modern literary figures, from Scarlett O’Hara to Jessica Wakefield.

Mallory Ortberg, the co-creator of the cult-favorite website The Toast, presents this whimsical collection of hysterical text conversations from your favorite literary characters. Everyone knows that if Scarlett O’Hara had an unlimited text-and-data plan, she’d constantly try to tempt Ashley away from Melanie with suggestive messages. If Mr. Rochester could text Jane Eyre, his ardent missives would obviously be in all-caps. And Daisy Buchanan would not only text while driving, she’d text you to pick her up after she totaled her car. Based on the popular web-feature, Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, irreverent mashup that brings the characters from your favorite books into the twenty-first century.

Ha ha ha.


This book is just so much fun. Author Mallory Ortberg has reimagined classics of all ages, from Medea and Gilgamesh to Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, and has put them together in a book that’s almost too great to read in one sitting (but I did it anyway). 

From Circe defending certain poor choices she’s made:

… to Mrs. Bennet being very Mrs. Bennet-ish:

… this book captures the heart and soul of the stories it includes, and makes then just too damned hilarious.


What’s really amazing is that the author clearly knows her stuff, because she absolutely nails the key elements of the stories and the characters, the things that make them unique and recognizable. The texts are clever and so well done — I just couldn’t get enough.

Sure, some of the bits on certain classics went right over my head, since I don’t know the originals, but that didn’t take away any of the enjoyment. This will be one of those books to keep handy and just open up at random once in a while, especially when I need something to brighten up my day.


The details:

Title: Texts From Jane Eyre
Authors: Mallory Ortberg
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.
Publication date: November 4, 2014
Length: 226 pages
Genre: Humor
Source: Purchased








The Monday agenda 1/7/2013

Not a lofty, ambitious to-be-read list consisting of 100+ book titles. Just a simple plan for the upcoming week — what I’m reading now, what I plan to read next, and what I’m hoping to squeeze in among the nooks and crannies.

It’s post-holiday, back-to-work, back-to-reality time. And what better way to prepare than by getting my reading plans in order? Here’s the agenda for this week:

From last week:

Sailor Twain by Mark Siegel: Read the previous week, but finally got the review done last week. Loved this book.

Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins: Done! A great book for starting off the new year on a happy note. My review is here.

This One Is Mine by Maria Semple: You win some, you lose some. I read it, but didn’t enjoy it. My review is here.

And finally, clearing up my library pile so I can start the new year sans guilty conscience over holding onto books for so long… I read Redshirts by John Scalzi. I don’t know why it took me so long to get around to this incredibly fun book. My review is here.

This was probably a more productive week of reading than is normal for me. That’s what comes of not skiing during a family ski vacation — plenty of time to sit by a fire with a cup of coffee and a book while everyone else is busy on the mountain. Bliss!

And this week’s new agenda:

I’ve just started Mariana by Susanna Kearsley. I’ve enjoyed two of her novels so far, and this one has been on my shelf for a while now. The cover alone made me fall for this book — can’t wait to see if the story lives up to it!

I have three days of travel coming up at the end of this week, and I take my travel book selection very seriously. So far, top contenders are Mrs. Queen Takes the Train by William Kuhn (although, as a hardcover, it might not be the wisest choice for shlepping around), or one of the unread selections on my Kindle, most likely Arcadia by Lauren Groff, Dodger by Terry Pratchett, or Carnival of Souls by Melissa Marr.

In the world of kids’ books, good news at last! My son and I seem to have finally settled on a book that we can enjoy together, after starting and abandoning several over the last few weeks. We’re now reading Here Be Monsters! by Alan Snow, and I think this one will actually stick.

My online book groups are heating up again! Next week, the Outlander Book Club begins its re-read of The Fiery Cross (book #5 in Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series) and the week after that is the beginning of a re-read of Jane Eyre. I’ve committed to participating in both of these, but I’m a little worried that I’ll end up stretched a bit thin.

So many book, so little time…

That’s my agenda. What’s yours? Add your comments to share your bookish agenda for the week.