Title: Any Trope but You
Author: Victoria Lavine
Narrators: Tim Paige, Jesse Vilinsky
Publisher: Atria
Publication date: April 1, 2025
Print length: 336 pages
Audio length: 11 hours 17 minutes
Genre: Contemporary romance
Source: Library
Rating:

I suppose I should have read the blurb more carefully before deciding that this book looked like fun. Earnestly spectacular?? — I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean… but I don’t think that’s what I got.

In Any Trope But You, Margot Bradley, age 31, is a bestselling author of six wildly popular romance novels. Secretly, though, she’s stopped believing in love after one too many heartbreaks. She keeps a hidden file of Happily Never Afters — alternate endings to her novels, where instead of getting their HEAs, the characters get divorce, unhappiness and even (gasp!) erectile dysfunction.

When Margot is hacked and her HNA document is made public during a Zoom book event, her fans are outraged and demand that she be cancelled. She’s an instant pariah in the romance world, and her publisher drops her. She’s in desperate need of a reset.

Margot lives with her younger sister Savannah, who has a chronic autoimmune disease. Margot’s life revolves around caring for Savannah and keeping her healthy, and she’s aghast when Savannah informs her that she’s booked her into a six-week stay at a remote Alaskan wilderness lodge. How can Margot even think of leaving her sister for that long? But Savannah insists, and finally, Margot agrees that this will be a great way for her to get away and reinvent herself, dreaming up a murder mystery set in Alaska with absolutely no romance.

Things begin to go sideways for Margot as soon as she arrives at Northstar Lodge when, frightened at the sight of a moose, she literally jumps into the arms of the (gorgeous) flannel-shirted man who just happens to be standing there chopping wood. Her savior is Forrest, the son of the lodge’s proprietor, who (unbeknownst to Margot) is actually a top-tier cancer researcher who’s walked away from his career to take care of his injured father and keep the family business afloat.

Of course, there’s instant chemistry… which neither of them wants. Margot has sworn off romantic entanglements, and is horrified to realize how many tropes she’s apparently fallen into: Rugged wilderness man, heart of gold beneath grumpy exterior, secretly a doctor, excellent cook, beloved by animals… there’s even a mountain rescue in which he has to carry her down a mountain, and later, the old “let me save you from hypothermia through the warmth of my naked body”.

Meanwhile, Forrest (and the lodge) were badly burned (not literally! — no actual arson involved) after he had a fling with a guest years earlier, who then trashed him (and the lodge) through her viral reviews, resulting in serious damage to the lodge’s business and reputation. It’s taken years to bounce back, and Forrest has a “no guests” policy now that means that Margot is off-limits, no matter how attracted he is to her.

Any Trope But You has a potentially cute set-up (and I’m always a sucker for a good wilderness romance), but the writing and the story itself go downhill as the book progresses.

There’s just so much that doesn’t make sense. I never for a second believed that Margot could be a bestselling author, and her attempts at writing while at the lodge seem feeble at best. Her getting cancelled felt unrealistic, and where was any attempt at damage control? Surely, she and her publicist and the publisher’s marketing team could have launched an effective effort to explain the HNA document — I mean, she was hacked! Where’s the outrage? Instead, it was straight to cancellation plus loss of her publishing contract. Where are her lawyers?

Forrest’s decision to drop everything for his father is also unrealistic. He’s upset that he wasn’t by his mother’s side when she died of breast cancer years earlier… so he walks away from his groundbreaking breast cancer research to move to Alaska, run the lodge, and take care of his dad’s meds and physical therapy — rather than, I don’t know, hiring a nurse and flying up for visits?

And later, when we actually see the former guest’s review that supposedly nearly ruined the lodge… it feels like a big fat nothing. So one person wrote a bad review? So what? She makes it clear in the review that she slept with the proprietor, that he wasn’t interested in a relationship, and that therefore she’s pissed and wants to destroy him. It’s just so bizarre… almost as bizarre as Margot losing all trust in Forrest after reading the review. What a lame 3rd act breakup device.

Still, I was mostly going along with the story as something to pass the time, strictly a 3-star, sort of okay listen… but then we get to the sex scenes. And oh my heavens, they are awful. Not just open door, but full-on close-up views of every single thing that happens between them… and the scenes just go on and on and on. Maybe it’s not as awful in print, but listening to the audiobook, these scenes are excruciating, both in terms of their length and the writing itself, which I could not stand.

Here’s one of the tamer examples I could find:

She huffs a breath as she centers herself on what feels like the business end of a baseball bat in my pants, and I can’t stop the rusty sound she pulls from me when our lips catch for the first time. It’s just a graze, but the tease of her mint ChapStick may as well be a narcotic.

Granted, if you like your romances with lots of spice (and awkward metaphors), then this book might work for you. But for me, closed door or from-a-distance scenes with just enough to give a sense of the chemistry are really all that’s needed… and if it’s got to be more graphic, then at least try to avoid mentioning baseball bats!

Beyond all that, there are some basic premise aspects that are really irritating. Margot and Forrest both seem to need to swoop in and save their family members… whether or not they want it. They both assume they know what’s best for their ill or injured loved ones, disregard when they’re told otherwise, and are totally committed to giving up their own lives to be caretakers, without ever consulting the people they’re caring for to see what they really want. So, maybe Margot and Forrest really are perfect for one another?

Except even once they’re together, they can only envision having a relationship once Margot leaves the lodge if Forrest goes back to his medical work and leaves Alaska — so when his father has a setback, it means that he cant leave after all, so clearly they need to break up. Ummm, she’s a bestselling author and he’s a doctor — they can afford flights! Long distance is a thing!

I could go on and on… but I’ll stop. Clearly, this book was not the cute, fluffy escape I thought it would be.

Someone asked me why I didn’t just stop if the book was bugging me so much. Good question! I’d invested enough listening hours already that I wanted to see it through… and see if just possibly I’d feel differently about it by the end. (I didn’t.)

Points for a great setting and a few cute scenes here and there… but overall, I stopped enjoying this book well before the end, and just powered through to get it done.

Your mileage may vary. But for me, I’m mostly just glad that I’m done.