Dear Kindle: The break-up

Dear Kindle,

Believe me, this is just as hard for me to say as it is for you to hear. There’s no easy way to put this, so I’ll just come right out with it. I don’t think this relationship is going to work.

You can’t say that I haven’t tried. It’s been over a year, and I’ve really made an effort. But maybe we both just need to acknowledge that we’re not right for one another.

Listen, I see the good in you, really I do. You’re beautiful. No really, I mean it. You keep yourself in terrific condition. You’d never allow a wrinkle or bulge to mar your perfect good looks.

You’re modern, keeping up with the latest technology. You’re witty and versatile. You always manage to come up with a new topic to explore, a laugh on a rainy day, or some new and unusual facts to share. And when my interest starts to fade, you’ve got a whole list of fresh ideas to try out.

But here’s where we need to face the truth. You just don’t meet my long-term needs.

You’re cold and hard, and I crave softness. I yearn for the yielding touch that I knew in my previous relationships. The willingness to be molded by my hands and my caress — that’s what I truly miss.

You’re too secretive. Why the blank looks, the reluctance to let others know what’s on your mind? In my previous relationships, my partners weren’t ashamed to let the world see who they were, to proclaim their names openly, to be proud of being seen together. I need that kind of openness in a relationship, to be able to share my special someone with the world.

And the last straw? You misled me. You, with your percents, never giving me a straight answer. I’ve never gotten over that fiasco with A Clash of Kings. News flash: Telling me 93% is not the same thing as “Hey, last chapter here! Pay attention!” No, the appendix does not count, even if it does take up 40 pages. Look, let’s not rehash the past. We’ll never see eye to eye on this one, but frankly, after the way you let me down, I just don’t have the energy to discuss it any more.

This isn’t good-bye forever. I just think we should take a break. Maybe a committed relationship was too much to expect. But hey, next time I’m planning a weekend getaway, I’ll definitely look you up. As a travel partner, you’ve really been first-class, and I’ll always appreciate those special times we had.

We’ll always have Paris.



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